(This post is applied to most eating disorders with a body image component)

For many, “compassion” is just a word, but when I think of compassion, in the eating disorder recovery journey, I picture a person surrendering, down to her knees, finally surrendering to that thing she had been fighting against. The person surrendering is a person with an ED, and she had been fighting against her body for years. When compassion appears in her heart, she can finally see that her body had been good all along, she kneels down exhausted, sad for what she put her body through, but relieved to finally put an end to the fight and start treating her body with the love she deserves. Compassion made that surrendering possible. 

With curiosity and compassion, one can battle eating disorder thoughts and beliefs… but for most of my years with an eating disorder, I didn’t care about compassion, happiness and those “hippy” words. Back when I used to have an ED all I could think about was how to do the right thing in all areas of my life. I demanded myself to become a valuable employee, wife, friend and daughter, and to control my weight. I didn’t know that the eating disorder worked as a coping mechanism. Just like a fish is unaware that it swims in the water, a person with an eating disorder tends to be unaware of the self-imposed high standards and self-criticism that dominate her daily thoughts, and debilitate her self-worth.

Here are some examples of what being compassionate to yourself can sound like:

I deserve to have flaws. 
I deserve to make mistakes. 
I deserve to feel tired and rest. 
I deserve to want peace more than success.
I deserve to disappoint others. 
I deserve to be imperfect.
I’m worthy even though I’m imperfect.
I don’t need to be liked by everyone.

Compassion might just seem like a word to people, but it is a necessary transformation within a person’s inner dialogue to be able to recover from an eating disorder. I tap into my compassionate self every day, and it’s one of the reasons why I’m still recovered after more than a decade of not engaging with ED behaviors or ED thoughts. 

It’s hard to be compassionate with ourselves in a world that praises winning and perseverance through pain or sacrifice, as if slowing down or being compassionate with yourself would be a sign of weakness. But the reality is that people who develop eating disorders tend to be pretty hard on themselves constantly, so becoming self-compassionate can be challenging. 

Becoming compassionate is more than treating yourself nicely. It’s about allowing yourself to exist as you are, with all your flaws and mistakes. Is finding peace in your existence, allowing yourself to enjoy being alive without earning it. Self-compassion is a vital aspect of self-love, and it takes courage to love yourself unconditionally in a world that constantly measures people’s worth through money or social media likes. I encourage you to dare to be compassionate with yourself today. Smile at your imperfections and enjoy being alive.

With love,
Lucia